Image depicted solely for explanatory purposes.
A woman looks upset with her head on the table while her friend leans behind her
When you're offering to cover someone's meal, is that a license for them to go hog wild and order the whole menu? Obviously not. Context is important, and even if you didn't define boundaries ahead of time, it doesn't mean you should try to take advantage of someone's generosity. On the other hand, as the person being generous, you don't always get to decide how people treat you or don't treat you because of it. Nobody wants to feel like they're under someone's thumb, even if they're receiving charity. It's not a fun feeling. So the folks in this story were unsure how to proceed. They were young enough not to have a ton of experience in this situation, but that didn't mean that they were willing to look past it. Mixing money and friendship is a slippery slope, and you don't always get the reaction you want out of people. But there should always be a baseline of respect that you don't overlook. That's what was starting to slip here. Respect was in question, and everyone left feeling a little worse about themselves than they did before. Sometimes you need to reach out to the internet to get some second opinions on something before you can fully decide how to proceed. It's normal to need a little bit of advice every now and then, especially in a tricky situation like this. Keep reading to see what happened here.
Individual pictured is a model used for illustrative purposes.
Two friends have an argument at a dinner table
Am I in the wrong for refusing to pay for my friend’s food after she embarrassed me in front of everyone?
-u/_Laylalux
I (18F) recently went out to dinner with a few friends. One of my friends has been struggling financially, so before we went, I privately offered to cover her meal because I didn’t want her to feel left out.
Everything was going fine until the bill came. She had ordered an appetizer, an expensive entrée, two drinks, and dessert. Her total was almost $80, while everyone else’s was around $25–$35.
I quietly asked her if she could cover her drinks and dessert since I had only expected to pay for dinner.
She immediately got upset and said, loud enough for the entire table to hear, “Why offer to pay if you’re going to be cheap about it?”
I was honestly embarrassed. I told her I wasn’t paying for any of it anymore because I didn’t appreciate being spoken to like that.
Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events.
A group of friends sit around a table and clink glasses
She ended up paying her own bill and left early. Later, she texted me saying I humiliated her, especially because I knew she was having money problems. She said that offering to pay and then taking it back was cruel.
I feel bad because I did promise to pay, and technically I never told her there was a spending limit. But I also feel like she took advantage of my kindness and then disrespected me in front of everyone.
AITA?
NTA. Offering to cover a broke friend's meal isn't a blank check for an $80 feast, and she forfeited your generosity the second she publicly humiliated you for setting a boundary.
If someone offers to pay for my meal, you can be sure Im gonna be ordering just enough and not take advantage of that person. They dont have to give me a budget.. Its basic courtesy.
Image shown for illustrative purposes; person depicted is a model.
Friends sit around a dinner table together
Nta. Your friend ****s and is a mooch. I grew up poor. Having money troubles is common, however when someone’s generous enough to cover your food it’s pretty standard to get something cheaper (doesn’t have to be the cheapest option) and not a crazy expensive dish
Nta. She was trying to take advantage of your kind offer and then tried to embarrass you into taking her disrespect. I wouldn't be friends with her any longer.
Polite friends who were grateful that their friend was so generous would have ordered something cheap, skipped dessert and the app, and maybe ordered one drink if any at all. She is neither polite nor grateful.
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